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Saturday, 4 July 2015

Travelling Light

This is what Jesus told them: “Take nothing for your trip except a walking stick. Take no bread, no bag, and no money in your pockets. Wear sandals, and take only the clothes you are wearing. When you enter a house, stay there until you leave that place. If any town refuses to accept you or its people refuse to listen to you, then leave that town. Shake its dust off your feet. This will be a warning to them.” (Mark 5: 8-11)
So the disciples left behind their architectural guides; pergolas for fêtes on wet days; attendance record books; rules on how to count the congregation; 10-point guides to evangelism; silverware; capos; Powerpoint DVDs; service books; 25 years of Spring Harvest songbooks; little clicky machines for counting attendance; communion rails; Beryl tea services and books of canon law.

But they didn't throw them away.

They reckoned they'd need them later.

Friday, 3 July 2015

Blasphemy, Blasphemy, they've all got it Blasphemy

Iceland has repealed its Blasphemy law.

I should think so. The country whose economy was destroyed by usury has realised that Biblical constructs, of whatever form, are probably a bad way of running a country. After all, Christendom is over - especially in small countries in the North Atlantic. And all the others.

Of course, there are some people complaining, But they're just Thor losers.

Thor losers...

Yes, you can get angry with me.

But you feeling Loki?  Are you?

The Quick and the Half-Dead

There's a lot of claims round the Community that I've been responsible for a bit of poor planning on this one.

But the complaints that I organised the Beaker Charity Half-Marathon Fun Run on a hot afternoon are a bit unfair. I mean, yes it was a bit warm. But it's July, and we organised the run in April. And I think the trade-off between the risk of it being really hot, and the greater likelihood of warm weather, was probably worth it.

On the way in which it happened after last night's Full Night of Prayer and Party Poppers. Yes. I could probably have thought this through a bit better. The way Stacey Bushes ran straight into that tree could only be explained by the fact that she had been in REM sleep for the previous two miles. It's a wonder she got across the A5 at all.

And to those who say - why did I get people running a half-marathon in the middle of the 48 hour fast. Well, surely we are a community of believers. And if going without food for a day doesn't make people spiritual enough to run without toppling over into ditches, then frankly I don't know what's the problem with them.

I'm not angry, just disappointed. But I'm disappointed in you all. And, actually, that makes me quite angry.

Thursday, 2 July 2015

Ministry of Church Plants

We've neglected Mission for too long. So I'm pleased to announce that Minniver is now going to be our Assistant Druid with Special Responsibility for Church Plants.

At the minute we've just got the herbaceous border and a few spider plants. But come December we're hoping to have a really good Xmas tree. So there's room for her to develop her role.


A Tricky Mission Field

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

The Entity Relationship Diagram of Church Committees



Stand and Deliver

It's been four years since my "friends" last organised a blind date for me. So they obviously thought it was time. Five minutes, it lasted. Five minutes.

They told me he was "something in packaging". So I presumed he was an executive in a company that, with the modern explosion in omni-channel retailing, would mean he was a walking goldmine.

Turns out he just likes sitting in a giant cardboard box. Not. The. Same. At. All.

Feast of Henry, John and Henry Jr Venn

Introit: Venn Morning gilds the Skies

Archdruid: Shall we commemorate some famous old Anglican priests?

All: That would be divine.

Hymn: Venn, we walk with the Lord

Totally unseasonal joke song: Venn, a Child is born.

Confession

All: We have sinned, now and Venn

Archdruid: In vot ways?

All: We're not going to draw you a diagram....

Hymn: Venn, I Survey

Dismissal

Archdruid: Venn, will I see you again?

Tuesday, 30 June 2015

The Daily Mirror's Convincing Proof of Flying Saucers at Stonehenge

The Mirror is excited about the discovery of what appears to be specks of dust on the camera lenses of people at Stonehenge. Sure the camera never lies - but why is it always so out of focus when there's UFOs about?

In 2009, the MOD declassified this picture of a suspected UFO at Stonehenge

The article tells you a lot about what I suppose one could try to call modern journalism. For instance:
"Stonehenge took nearly 1,500 years to build and was believed to be constructed between 3,000 and 2,000 BC."
I mean - how is that even mathematically possible? But I'd really like to quote the last two sentences to you. 
"Although some of the stones featured come from local quarries on Salisbury Plain, others have been traced to the Preseli Hills in Wales nearly 200 miles away.
This has given rise to the theory that it was constructed as a landing area by extra terrestrial beings."
Can you see how any reading of the first sentence could lead on to the second? Why would being made up of Wiltshire sarsens and Prescelli bluestones lead to the conclusion that it was constructed as an aliens' hoverpad?

However if the Mirror's right, there's a horrifying thought. Given nobody in modern times has seen a craft land, they must be stacking. It's gonna be a nasty time when they run out of fuel.

Jeremy Bentham Resigns from UCL Over Tim Hunt

Jeremy Bentham has today resigned from University College, London, citing the recent treatment of Nobel Laureate Tim Hunt over his remarks about women scientists.

"Tim Hunt is a respected scientist who seems to have made one poor-taste joke on the spur of the moment, " said Bentham, from the chair where he has been sitting for the last decades. "As a Utilitarian I believe in the maximum happiness for the most possible people. And Tim has made a lot of people happy, by giving them the impression that they are superior human beings to a professor of biochemistry. Life sciences are a special interest of mine, albeit in my case - ho ho - they are unlikely to be of much use. If he is not reinstated, I will be leaving UCL, just as soon as someone pushes me out."

A spokesperson for UCL said, "I'm afraid it appears Jeremy has lost his head. He's going to have to get back in his box."