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Monday, 24 October 2016

Your 15 Minutes Start Now

If you can fill your mind with God in 15 minutes, neither your mind nor your God are big enough.

Discerning Gifts

Gifts are distributed to all members of the church. And yesterday  we discerned the special gift of Jezmir.

I'm pleased to announce it's "Stacking the Dishwasher Efficiently."  Not in any of Paul's lists, but then let's fact it, they didn't have dishwashers.

Sunday, 23 October 2016

A Rainbow Unicorn Coalition

It had to happen. To ensure there is no heteronormativity about the Moot House, Alfie and Annie the Unicorns have been supplemented by Sam and Bill the Rainbow Unicorns. Though, to save some money, the people who bought them have refused to say whether they're male unicorns, female ones, or indeed even what pronouns they use. Otherwise they'd have to buy a lot more unicorns.

Drayton Parslow, of course, was deeply disapproving when he heard about this.  Although he's been busy. He wanted to go and picket the Life Drawing class at the Reading Room. Says this is the sort of thing Husborne Crawley has been reduced to. But then he changed his mind at the last minute, in case he met any nude people. Odd, I didn't imagine they'd turn up nude. And I thought it was just meant to be the models, not the artists as well. Drayton says we're becoming more like the Cities of the Plain every day. I presume he means Sodom and Gomorrah, not Luton and Stansted.

Born of a Virgin

Thanks to Bertrick for introducing us to a new Hillsong credal hymn today. I wonder a bit though...

Our Father everlasting
The all creating One God Almighty
Through Your Holy Spirit
Conceiving Christ the Son
Jesus our Saviour

Is it possible that, through the determined effort to avoid mentioning the source of Jesus's human nature (his mum) this song has descended into grammatical nonsense and a particularly weird kind of heresy? Answers on a CD please. (Hint - I think the word required here was "begetting").

The Changing Colours of LIfe

It's always seemed a bit "them and us", the way services are printed out with normal print for the service leaders and bold for the "All" parts.

That's why we opted for non-status-based liturgy today. We put the words up with the green text for the leader and the red text for the congregation.

I would like to apologise to all the people who have colour blindness. And all the people who identify as colour blind. It must have been very confusing for you all.

Saturday, 22 October 2016

Alfie the Unicorn gets a Mate

Aah.  How sweet was that? Inspired by the presence at the Noah presentation yesterday of Alfie the Unicorn, at this morning's Pouring out of Beakers he was joined by Annie the Unicorn. Nice to know that he may have missed the boat, but he found love. Well done to Irenic and Ranulf for buying Annie for their daughter, little Calculi. We're going to have to order some more plush unicorns for the Beaker Bazaar!

Friday, 21 October 2016

Alfie the Unicorn Misses the Ark

What a lovely children's service we had today. Would especially like to say the portrayal of the story of Noah was charming.

Poor little Alfie the Unicorn-  forgot what day the Flood was, and left behind at the end as the Ark sailed off. Not a dry eye   I'm not sure if the Genesis account does include Alfie's bodily assumption into heaven. But if it doesn't, it ought to. I'm sure the Pope could sort something out.

And of course it was important that, just as the waves lapped at Alfie's feet, God intervened like that. Because it reinforced the message that there is always a happy ending, because we're worth it.

And Alfie was a real winner with the kids. A three-foot tall, plush unicorn with a winning look.  Makes you wonder how Noah could ever forget such a sweety.

Wednesday, 19 October 2016

Feast of St Frideswide of Oxford

Hnaef: I mean, really, do we have to?

Archdruid: Shut up, Cambridge Boy. We celebrated your lot didn't we?

Hnaef: Yes. Well, you remembered Cranmer...

Archdruid: There you are then.

Hnaef: You lit a bonfire...

Archdruid: Of course. That's what we do.

Hnaef: You don't think that was... a bit tactless?

Archdruid: OK-  it's St Frideswide's Day. Bit of respect?

Hnaef: So what did she do?

Archdruid: Search me. Something out Godstow way, weren't it?

Hnaef: You don't know what she did?

Archdruid: Not a Scooby. This is Oxford. We are the right-brained, cuddly university. Honey-coloured stone, dreaming spires, punting through the Parks on a hazy June evening, running the country.... we don't do logic and nerdism.


Archdruid: Don't know. Don't care. Have a tea light? And stop being so Cambridge...

Tuesday, 18 October 2016

Melania Trump's Interview - The Subtitles

My husband, ten years ago, was recorded saying that he liked to sexually abuse women, and could get away with it because he was rich.

This is nothing like the man I know. After all, in those days he was just acting like an easily-led, boastful teenager. Whereas he is now 10 years older. Which must make him at least - what - 23?

The fact that all those women came forward, saying he did exactly the sort of things he said he did is a complete coincidence.

That he could be led to say stupid things by somebody so clever and devious as the least-bright member of the Bush family proves that he is easily led, and keen to impress more powerful personalities than himself. So none of this is his fault.

I'm sure there is no chance of him coming up against strong, devious personalities if he is President of the United States. So of course he should have the job.