Report from the Druidic Gorsedd Investigation into Human Sexuality

Having investigated the runes, the Traditions of the Elders and the entrails of a chicken (which we bought frozen from Waitrose in Leighton Buzzard) the Gorsedd has made the following pronouncements:

1. Everybody must stop whatever they are doing immediately.
2. Unless it's not wrong, of course.
3. Or possibly if they sincerely believe it's not wrong.
4. Or if they're not sure if it's wrong, try and have a guess one way or the other...
5. Or if they aren't going to take any notice of us anyway as they don't have to.
6. But at least, be careful.
7. And respect other people's views. That's very important.
8. Except the ones we don't agree with.
9. Especially the American druids. They just do what they like anyway. Swine.
10. And the African druids. Telling us what to do like they think we're not the ones in charge.
11. And to the writers of the minority report asking us why we all got here by plane and 4x4 (and Eileen's Archdruidic Helicopter) when the world is struggling with climate change. For goodness' sake, get some sense of proportion...