Sunday 23 January 2011

Celebration of Roy Clarke's Award

Congratulations to Roy Clarke, writer of "Last of the Summer Wine" and "Open All Hours",  on his lifetime achievement award. A few notes for tonight's celebratory liturgy:

Flat caps are obligatory for men, wrinkled stockings for women. But if you want to do that the other way round, go ahead. I've an open mind and we are an equal-opportunities community.

"Going downhill in a bath-tub" is technically a song of descents, not ascents.

The correct liturgical response to "How do, lads" is "Ee, it's Wesley!".

"Mending Stuart's Leg" is a very crude way of describing a service of attempted healing.

Don't upset the Yorkshire god Earnshaw. He has a filthy temper.

 Mind your fingers on the cash till in the Beaker Souvenir Bazaar. It's got a mind of its own.

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