Lighting the Bling

As the time ticks towards midnight the Beaker People gather in the Orchard. [We're holding this CET in order to get to bed at a sensible time]

Archdruid: Great is the darkness that covers the Earth


All: You sure that's not copyright, Eileen?


Archdruid: The Light shineth in the darkness?

All: Very topical. Classy. Has Michael Gove autographed your hi-viz for you?

Archdruid: Black chaos comes,

All: and the fettered gods of the earth say, Let there be light.

Archdruid: OK, Flick the Switch, Hnaef.

Hnaef: This switch?

On the horizon, the Great House is plunged into darkness. The sound of Marston Moretaine walking into a tree echoes across the dell.


Hnaef: Oh! THIS switch?

The Doily Shed is - once again - taken out, as Hnaef sets off the dynamite. Small pieces of lint descend from the heavens on the assembled Beaker Folk.


Hnaef: Definitely got it this time.


Drayton Parslow's house descends to the depths of the earth as the trap-door, built by the Russells in the 18th Century as a forgotten practical joke, is activated.



Hnaef: Ah - is it this button marked "light the bling"?

The strings of white lights are illuminated.

All:  Aaaaah!


The inflatable Santa inflates and glows in the dark.

All: Ooooh!

Killer penguins appear from trap doors and sprint towards the Beaker People. The Beaker Folk may run for their lives or, as it may be, beg for mercy. We recommend running. Killer penguins don't show mercy.


All: Aaaargh!!

Archdruid: All may kneel.

All: No, Eileen. You're supposed to "say the black and do the red".

Archdruid: You all want to "do the red" when the red is "All may kneel"? When there's killer penguins running amok? Wouldn't you rather do the black and say the red?

All: Good point. All may leg it.

Archdruid: Let's do the red!