Thursday 31 May 2012
Archdruid Eileen and the Dodgy Parody
Inflamed by Eileen's constant complaints about his relationship with Charlii, Young Keith is ruder than anyone with any sense would be to the Archdruid. Her Slazenger V400 cricket bat flies into her hand. There is only one outcome.
Young Keith and Eileen duel - Young Keith's "laser umbrella" clashing against the Archdruid's Slazenger.
Young Keith pursues Eileen down the "Corridor of Uncertainty" leading to the Moot House. As he reaches his hand out to grab her shoulder, she turns and whacks him over the head. Keith gasps, and reels back.
Eileen: You are beaten. It is useless to resist. Don't let yourself be demoralised as your Uncle, Ben Connolly, did.
Keith answers by rolling sideways and thrusting his brolly at Eileen - catching her on the pointy (but steel-lined) hat. The hat explodes, and the Archdruid seems to be hurt, but immediately recovers. Keith backs off along the corridor as Eileen comes back at him, slashing at the young idiot with her bat. Keith makes a quick grab towards her. Eileen's bat comes slashing down, giving his hand a nasty bruise and sending his umbrella flying. The wind subsides. Keith stands immobile. There is nowhere else to go.
Eileen: There is no escape.Don't make me destroy you.
[ pauses ]
Eileen: Keith, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to Husborne Crawley.
Young Keith: I'll never join you!
Eileen: If you only knew the power of the Beaker Way. Your Uncle Ben Connolly told you what happened to your mother.
Keith: He told me enough! It was you who killed her!
Eileen: No. Keith, I am your mother.
Young Keith: Aaaarh!
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Oh Dear! Now we have a family oriented Beaker Blog?
ReplyDeleteWhat next, holding hands and cuddling and maudlin over one another.
Not the Arch Druid's way. Young Keith must have been fostered out to someone else, or he'd have grown up warped.
"Young Keith must have been fostered out" - well, clearly. That's why he stayed with his "uncle" the Police Officer. We don't just make this stuff up, you know.
DeleteOh! I just figured out why the Archdruid is trying to keep the sweethearts apart! "There is another..."
ReplyDeleteButterflyborn - your knowledge of the classics does you more credit than my own shameless theft. I have merely ripped a chunk of dialogue out of context like a preacher in a poly-cotton shirt condemning homosexuals.
DeleteHowever I can assure you that if I'd had a daughter (a) I'd remember and (b) She wouldn't have a name with a double-I in it. That would make her Plural.
Our youth leaders call it "purple patrol" -get it ??? Blue and pink make....purple. Ok it's corny, but clever.
ReplyDeleteWhere is the third umpire? Has a hot spot been discerned?
ReplyDeleteIs Mr.Boycott aware of trespassers in his corridor of uncertainty...