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Thursday, 7 March 2013

Bacon, Alcohol and Venison for a Gay Catholic Breakfast

I really must stop listening to the breakfast show on Radio 5. It's not good for my blood pressure (and neither is bacon or beef pie, according to this morning's show).

So two days ago, it was the Catholic woman who was interviewed, who said that the answer to alleged homosexual activity in seminaries was not to allow gay men into seminaries. She drew an analogy to letting an alcoholic loose in an offie, if I remember rightly. Which would presumably mean that those C of E colleges that allow in both men and women must be hotbeds of  middle-aged wannabe-clerical sexual frustration. Unless she imagines it's only gay men that have trouble controlling their - ahem - urges. I mean - a heterosexual male priest would barely be able to go to church for over-excitement, surrounded by so many females as he would normally be.

Then yesterday it was the health people telling us that we're the sick nation of Europe because, among other things, our consumption of alcohol has risen so much. Nobody questioned this alleged fact - despite the consumption of alcohol having dropped over the last six years. Maybe we do all need to drink even less - but let's start with the truth.

But today's chap really took the biscuit. Talking about the need to cull deer, he first of all announced the main problem was too many people, leaving us to draw the obvious conclusion. But then he came up with the most interesting argument I've heard in a long time. He agreed that the deer should be culled. But he stressed that this should not be done for sport. A fascinating argument - it's right that we should cull deer to keep the population down. But the person doing it shouldn't be doing it for recreation. On his argument, the only people that should be allowed to carry out this necessary task - are the ones that really don't want to do it. Logically, a team of crack vegan markspeople should be sent out to dispatch the excess antlered friends, and then afterwards go home, agonise about it and hate themselves. The dead animal should then be incinerated - as clearly if somebody ate it, they might enjoy the meal. 

Frankly, if we're going to be a world of sexless people, drinking water and not allowed to eat a decent venison steak, the last guy may be right. I'll let the deer inherit the earth. At least they can enjoy eating bluebells.

3 comments:

  1. I am sure that there are numerous 'crack vegan markspeople' around (especially on the Planet Vega, a land flowing with fruit and nuts) so it's probably wrong of me to find that phrase so funny.

    love Mags 'mea culpa' B x

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  2. You're assuming that you're supposed to enjoy eating and drinking.

    I read yet another article yesterday saying that food manufacturers shouldn't make their products so tasty.

    Now, I admit that I shouldn't eat as many chips (UK: crisps) and other snack foods as I do, but I really don't see that the solution to this is for businesses to manufacture food that isn't tasty. I could do that myself if I wanted to, just as I could decide to eat, well, not venison, I don't hunt and can't afford to buy it, but beef that probably doesn't have horse added instead of chips. Or I could eat plain boiled potatoes with no salt added.

    By the way, I don't know about deer, but moose like cabbages more than bluebells, possibly because cabbages tend to grow in larger numbers in one area than bluebells do. Moose are also largely undeterred by most fences when they see some nice cabbages.

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  3. You think you're joking about destroying good venison? See this story from Louisiana.

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